Gods of the Unknown

So I tried to buy this sweet ass bed at Oak Express. If you saw it, you'd want to buy it, too. But here's the thing: I wanted to finance it. And I got DECLINED. That scared me a little bit, so I requested a copy of my credit report, per the "If we fuck you and won't give you money, we have to send you documentation as to why" law.

Well, it came and showed that in almost four years, I have had exactly two late payments on anything. The major problem seems to be that it's not that I have BAD credit, I just have NO credit. I'm not sure how to get around this problem. Because if you don't HAVE credit, how do you GET credit?

I've been talking to people off and on about this issue and I have developed a couple of plans. But everyone that I've talked to has a crazy theory about how credit works, how to build it... It's like a storyline in a dream that seemed to make sense while you were dreaming it, but seems really disjointed and crazy once you wake up. Like, "First I was on this hay ride on the way to see the Pope, and then I was at my old school gym giving a speech about the dangers of anorexia." And it made perfect sense, right? Right.

I think the secret will be finding someone to cosign me on a year+ financing deal of some sort. That way I can make regular payments and prove myself to be a debt-worthy citizen. Because I am. For real, yo.