I want to achieve the dream, too. The problem is that I don't really have anything that I feel that strongly about. I've never really put myself out there. It's gratifying to watch movies where people achieve things that I can't or won't.
I think maybe it's because I'm a little bit scared. Because let's say for a minute that I HAD something I cared about that much. And I tried. And tried. And tried. But it never worked out?
Amanda used to get really pissed off because I would quote this Charles Bukowski poem all the time and say, "most spiritual pain, my lad, is caused by too much expectation." Which is true at a base level. If you never hope for anything, you'll never be disappointed. And I know that when I want things, I try not to want them too badly. I try not to get too excited until it's a sure thing. Like this deployment team thing. The more I think about it, the more I want it. But it's like placing myself in a fantasy for a while and then returning to my real life when I think about it. Because if I want it too badly and then I don't get it... That would suck. And I am not even about emotional suck-age.
A life without hope would be kind of bleak. And hope is always there, because regardless of HOW MUCH you might want something, if you want it at all and don't get it, it'll sting a little bit. I guess the trick is to decide how much you want it and how much pain you'll tolerate to pursue it. That's just the way it is.
Because life? It's just one long balancing act.