Lincoln Learns About Roommates

Link started out the fall semester living next door to me. He lived with the RA. A cool guy named Richard. And some other guy. Who moved out about a week and a half into the semester. I think I met him once. He was replaced by a Turkish kid named Karem. There was also Mike Cassista, another some other guy. Anyhow, Link put in for a single room and was moved across the complex to Templewood 18. He inherited three new roommates: Andy, Terry and John. Andy had a huge entertainment center complete with 32" television, DVD player and extended cable. He loved to cook. John wasn't around much. Terry just kind of lurked around and bitched at people. Link, however, missed one key detail in the dynamic of his new roommates. That story follows as such:

Link: Man. The boys have been so bitchy the last couple days.

Shawna: Duh.

Link: Why duh?

Shawna: Don't you see what's happening here? Andy is in love with Terry. Terry's not down with the fudge packing angle. Meanwhile, John is in love with Andy, but Andy only wants Terry. It's like an episode of "Days" right here in your apartment, dude.

Link: *blank shock*

Shawna: You, uh... You mean to tell me you didn't KNOW? You LIVE here!

Link: I didn't.. I... Oh my God.

Shawna: Pull yourself together, man. It's been going on for months. Don't panic now.

Link: I just... I... Holy shit.

The conversation proceeded from there. It also spawned what was to become one of our favorite games: Gross-Out. That game would go a little something like this:

Shawna: Okay, Link, how about this: You walk into their room without knocking to find Terry on his knees on the floor, just finishing Andy off. He doesn't notice you walk in, takes Andy's dick out of his mouth, and lets Andy's cum squirt all over his face. They are both wiggling in ecstasy.

Link: Wow. That's a pretty good one. But how about this: They leave the apartment door open. You don't knock, as usual. You come upstairs to find Andy and Terry completely naked, frolicking with a bowl of chocolate pudding. They have Saran Wrapped the entire living room and are rolling around with each other. How about that?

You get the idea. The first set of roommates was preferable. But what're you gonna do? They make for good stories, anyhow.